Menopause, or Kate on pause?

Quite possibly both. I never really wished to hear about how dire and painful menopause was when I was younger. It seemed like it was a life time away for me. I still don’t quite know what happens, other than sweats, hot flushes and erratic periods. Nor do I want to know.

I can tell you, however that it has begun for me. Been in the perimenopause stage for a good two years now. My periods are not reliable, range in length and severity and my crying episodes are like I have been invaded by some Indonesian woman in love. I have never cried as much in my entire life as I have the last two years. I certainly seem to have no control over my emotions any more.

As usual, I am deeply ashamed to be like this. I am acutely aware of how I come across to the late teen and 20-something males at work. Part of me wants to scream, ‘Hey! I am really not like this. Honest!’. But I know it will fall on deaf ears and blind eyes.

Physically, I am blitzing this. I keep training, to ward off the aches and pains that come if I stop training. I have the odd white hair on my chin. I have fully embraced the grey hair. I love being hot and sweaty, so I don’t mind the sudden body heat rise.

It is the emotional rollercoaster I was not prepared for. Having always come across as a flat liner, boringly solid person, my new moody personality is a shock to my system. Anger rises quickly, I cry a lot and I seem to have a dark cloud around me constantly.

Time to inject Dede… Ciao.

 

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